Feel lost/disappointed

I really miss having amazing friends on PlayStation or at least people I barely had issues like Shawn to bad that isn’t much an option anymore. It crushes my soul that I have such a hard time staying friends with someone I chat with often!

I’ve had so much going on outside of PlayStation that it’s poison to my soul that I barely can enjoy my gaming as much as I should mainly because of someone named Kevin and John. Not sure why I don’t blog more I’ve had other racing thoughts/theories about society but that has dwindled less because of my entertainment being ruined!

When is it gonna be that autistic people get more opportunities just for being different and given more chances maybe sympathetic reasons? Maybe it’s lazy but I do believe more people in America have money and rich folks let the medium suffer!

Part of why I love horror so much is cause I feel trapped so much in life and that is uncertain if it’ll ever change. I don’t know who ever is interested in my occasional blogs but I’m glad I have it as an option despite the energy flow of it.

Been awhile since I’ve entered this dimension

Sometimes I’m quite sure I’m cursed cause more bad happens to me than good. Maybe I’ve done several things that cause bad luck when I was younger or maybe it’s an autism thing to just screw up!

I don’t have enough humble people that help me and my family especially when we desperately need it which reminds me of the most complex puzzles/quantum physics that kinda helps me cope when I think about it. My writing is comforting as well even if it’s peculiar I love the way it is!

Another note is I used to blog more I absolutely hate the word excuse but I’m sure any reason I come up with is one although maybe I shouldn’t say that cause I get really into other stuff I enjoy too. Regardless I love anyone that supports me especially since I’m difficult more so than most people on earth.

Hmm what else can flow out of my stem cells? I can try a little bit more to be more positive even if it’s brutally hard. Some aspies tend to overthink I’m an expert at that one that’s about all I got for now.

Wish I had different people to voice chat with on PlayStation!

In the past week I’ve had a bunch of mean people in PlayStation chats that are extremely homophobic, say the worst possible things about my disability, games I did bad that I dominated at even though they didn’t do them at all, and obnoxious stuff about a bathroom experience I had.

Voice chats are supposed to be comforting while you game but instead it’s been over the top although a couple days ago I got involved in roasting that was hilarious fun for a few hours until more people joined and bashed me for an hour and half eventually I left but it had me yelling in so much angry that was unfortunate.

Besides that stuff some people give me a hard time about being bisexual I’ll admit I’m comfortable with except when people say something about an experience a few years ago especially during pride month for gods sake!

On some positives I’ve mostly enjoyed myself with a game called Returnal and finally being able to go the movies which is a blast; yesterday I even bought myself some groceries that felt manly.

Scammers are despicable

Recently I’ve dealt with a scary bank scam and I’ve been taken advantage of at least 50 or maybe even 100 times. Easily the worst aspect of my aspect of Asperger’s is being gullible! I don’t know if it’ll do any good to others that I’ve been through unfortunate schemes but maybe expressing a portion of my experiences will give others comfort.

So in the last couple weeks I’ve been swindled into thinking I was gonna get thousands of dollars come to find out it’s a load of lies and a known scam especially with the way the people talked. I’ve felt disoriented all day like a piece of my brain was set on fire! I’ve had other experiences over the years I should know better just get sucked into conversations hoping it’ll be the real deal.

Lol I didn’t expect to have so much to say in a blog I’m sorry. Either way maybe someone on the spectrum or not relates.

A few other last thoughts is that one day my money problems go away and I’m more at ease in my daily life! 2020 has been a pile of shit in many ways!

Revolutionary day mixed with painful feelings!

An incredible 7 hour sleep, boring morning and extraordinary lunch experience of getting out for the for the first time March to go to Burger Shack then road in the car a bit.

Crazy how I’ve had stomach pain at least 4 times in last week and when that was over I started to have neck pain; madness how difficult it is for me to enjoy a full day without being a hot mess!

Hope everyone in the blog world is doing well I was blown away how many people were out I must be among very few experts that can cope with isolation for a long time. As much as I miss doing more outside things it’s nice once in awhile for sure especially for aspies at least.

Not much new for me unfortunately I do gaming a lot, watch stuff, and write reviews on IMDb very often. I mean I do have a not normal amount of nightmares don’t know where that comes from definitely intriguing to me so it’s ok makes for a good story.

Crazy how frequent I have off things with good things in them!

A whirlwind of sensory overload, banging noises galore of getting a new AC unit, and being in pain most the day from siracha I had recently that effects my IBS unfortunately. It’s cool though I signed into back into my LinkedIn today because I was inspired by a wonderful being and I’ve had great gaming progress!

Definitely helps to be content regardless of unique aspects, the bliss of having things set is glorious beyond imaginable! The kicker would be to have the option to celebrate good things by popping a whine bottle, I’d love to experience that at some point. I wonder often if opportunities will come my way I’m not sure at least I’m kept safe and entertained.

Cubicles of danger and enlightenment is the best things that stream through my mind; I’m packed with delight! I may be weird but at least I’m happy most of the time.

Sometimes you gotta out maneuver the evil with joy to keep you sane. As said on The Simpsons “Sometimes you can’t have Paris Lisa.”

Unraveling of misfortune

Crazy how I got to know a girl a little I thought liked me but if I decide to do gaming and not check my phone for a portion of the day I get blocked. Anyone who’s gonna send 6 messages without a response should take a hint maybe I’m busy and they need to entertain themselve!

I’d love to have a girlfriend but not if I can’t enjoy my gaming or any form of entertainment for 6 hours of the day. I’m baffled how fast things lasted before I didn’t matter anymore, it’s super crappy to me!

Girls are rarely into me and if they are I’m lucky if it lasts more than a few days or months in real life or social media. Not sure if it’s an aspie thing or just part of quarantine where people are more on edge especially with lack of things to do during where as I’m golden for as long as I need to.

Lastly I know I don’t blog much I’m sorry for that sometimes I have a subject that puzzles me with massive confusion and a little bit of anger. Maybe it’ll be easier for me one day in terms of relationships for now I’ll remain lonely.

Reawaken the quirky guy

Barely been in healthy enough mindset due to lockdown, so tired of living with my mom and sister they can be so hard to be around. I’m lucky to have plenty of entertainment for ions, I’d be a hella of a lot worse without my comforts.

Such an unfortunate and ghoulish thing how I feel so unwanted by hundreds of people, I’d do anything to get some good things to come my way! I wish I could also apologize to everyone whom expects more from me and thinks I’m capable of things that, well aspies aren’t packed with skills plus not a pedophile like some think!

Just a form of my venting despite the subject matter although I have had some amazing dreams that very much intrigued my inspiration, I’d totally have at least 15 ideas to pitch if I knew the right people. Hmm the uncertainty is powerful or weak either way I have fun with that.

I don’t know where my mind goes sometimes it unnerves me quite a bit. The realm of light and darkness seeping through opening a covered cave is my life in a nutshell.

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in awhile!

Been a dreadful time mixed with very few good things especially in the last month! Lots of toxic energy lately that has burrowed into me and made my sleep rough including my IBS. Some crave negative things that have occurred which is mind blowing! It might be just be me but I feel like autistic people don’t have enough positive things happen.

It’s kinda like a never ending fall to an abyss sometimes; I feel like I can’t make it stop. The struggle of being lonely and interacting with people that I shouldn’t is something that feels re entry of poison seeping back in occasionally.

Either way I hope everyone else is doing well, I try to spread positivity to most people. It tends to vary the ones that accept me for the quirky being I am.

The wonder emporium of emotions people deal with especially during quarantine is bizarre! An open book of intriguing traits I am.“I can’t be of a group what am I am”? Great little riddle of a lonely person. I’m packed with confusing things to say I’m sorry for that at least I’ve been safe with endless entertainment of video games and film!