According to someone I had some arguing with that I’m always the problem and they don’t accept anything they do or any of my points were all invalid just because I didn’t want to join a chat immediately after it was made. Dude needs to be more patient and grow out of some stuff even he wants me to that’s not fair for an aspie!
I don’t want to change myself for others I shouldn’t have to; life would be extraordinary if anyone understand this. When did it start people aren’t allowed to have a good excuse to a situation I’ll never comprehend the whole crutch thing that’s how it works!
My scattered emotions have off the walls between loneliness and lack of activity in my life it’s weird when I sleep phenomenally but my day still spirals! What’s an aspie gotta do to get more help in life that’s been conflicted awhile.
If this was a chapter in a book it’d be called Floating asteroid because in outer space loneliness is the the most extreme it could be. I wouldn’t mind not much going on if my PlayStation friends were slightly better although that’s separate stuff it would help tremendously!
Life would be exceedingly better if it wasn’t for Covid ruin my chances of furthering life I have so many disturbing thoughts about it that I won’t get into to for legal reasons in short I’ll say luckily it’s not worse I guess.
All the stories and wisdom packed in really would could mean a lot one day in the future I probably just need to consider the grass is greener on the other side.
Sometimes I’m quite sure I’m cursed cause more bad happens to me than good. Maybe I’ve done several things that cause bad luck when I was younger or maybe it’s an autism thing to just screw up!
I don’t have enough humble people that help me and my family especially when we desperately need it which reminds me of the most complex puzzles/quantum physics that kinda helps me cope when I think about it. My writing is comforting as well even if it’s peculiar I love the way it is!
Another note is I used to blog more I absolutely hate the word excuse but I’m sure any reason I come up with is one although maybe I shouldn’t say that cause I get really into other stuff I enjoy too. Regardless I love anyone that supports me especially since I’m difficult more so than most people on earth.
Hmm what else can flow out of my stem cells? I can try a little bit more to be more positive even if it’s brutally hard. Some aspies tend to overthink I’m an expert at that one that’s about all I got for now.
In the past week I’ve had a bunch of mean people in PlayStation chats that are extremely homophobic, say the worst possible things about my disability, games I did bad that I dominated at even though they didn’t do them at all, and obnoxious stuff about a bathroom experience I had.
Voice chats are supposed to be comforting while you game but instead it’s been over the top although a couple days ago I got involved in roasting that was hilarious fun for a few hours until more people joined and bashed me for an hour and half eventually I left but it had me yelling in so much angry that was unfortunate.
Besides that stuff some people give me a hard time about being bisexual I’ll admit I’m comfortable with except when people say something about an experience a few years ago especially during pride month for gods sake!
On some positives I’ve mostly enjoyed myself with a game called Returnal and finally being able to go the movies which is a blast; yesterday I even bought myself some groceries that felt manly.
Yay me today despite having 3 hours 45 minutes sleep with stomach pain I made sausages for the first time and I just made gluten-free Ramen noodles a bit ago! #ASD #autismawareness
Hope everyone is well I’ve had some off days yet still manage to embrace my difficulties. Lately I got really into rewatching The Leftovers and trying to enjoy Returnal despite it being harder than most games I’ve ever played!
Can’t this Covid go away I’m so fed up! I had an amazing time at the movies finally last week and today there’s an article of cases rising; I wish this shit would fuck off so people can enjoy life again!
I was enlightened recently now I’m unsure if Covid would ever end cause more cases rise. Aspies crave socializing even though they struggle with it not being able to for me is bizarre I miss people so much.
A definite positive was getting stimulus money and getting so much goodies so at least I have plenty of entertainment that can last me months or longer. I’m not sure if there will be any other stimulus but it was one of the best things ever; I wish I had sources of money making Covid kinda ruined that too.
I’m sorry about my frustration I even have darker thoughts about a lot of things that I don’t know how to express to anyone. Blogging is amazing in an appropriate way for sure.
Someone recently contacted me in the last week wanted a gift card which is sketchy to me and I sensed that but I try to give people the benefit of the doubt; the craziest thing about is the person wanted me to order it for myself without giving their address or email. I’m infuriated by the ridiculousness I’ve chatted with and wanted to vent.
If someone was legitimately wanting a gift especially a code or a package it’d require the persons email/address not mine. I don’t know why I gravitate towards these type of weirdos that aren’t even smart I mean I hope I’m not wrong sure I’m gullible at times unfortunately but I’ve learned the hard way about things that don’t make sense.
On other positive notes I still write reviews on IMDb my username is UniqueParticle on it and I try to entertain myself most days even with my challenges I try to be healthy.
Today is a weird day for #Valentines Alex experiences relentless loneliness and someone expected money from me even though I usually don’t have much to offer. I’m sorry about my venting I still love my writing regardless of these strange circumstances.
Good stuff is finally abroad! It’s madness how much trickery happens to me or other nonsense. Pretty sad how during COVID-19 people have abused these times towards the weaker types that don’t have much money; I wonder if it happens to others not on the spectrum.
It’s been perplexing with the weird stuff I get involved in it’ll be a blessing when it’s a distant memory. Aside from a few of those other thoughts at least I’ve been able to get goodies like movies, games, soon PS5, and healthy remedies! A brilliant metaphor or analogy I could have is it seems like a leach is peeled off me and put back on occasionally.
Recently I’ve dealt with a scary bank scam and I’ve been taken advantage of at least 50 or maybe even 100 times. Easily the worst aspect of my aspect of Asperger’s is being gullible! I don’t know if it’ll do any good to others that I’ve been through unfortunate schemes but maybe expressing a portion of my experiences will give others comfort.
So in the last couple weeks I’ve been swindled into thinking I was gonna get thousands of dollars come to find out it’s a load of lies and a known scam especially with the way the people talked. I’ve felt disoriented all day like a piece of my brain was set on fire! I’ve had other experiences over the years I should know better just get sucked into conversations hoping it’ll be the real deal.
Lol I didn’t expect to have so much to say in a blog I’m sorry. Either way maybe someone on the spectrum or not relates.
A few other last thoughts is that one day my money problems go away and I’m more at ease in my daily life! 2020 has been a pile of shit in many ways!