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Such an unsettling feeling messing up with a girl

I feel so much stress, uncertainty, and regret! Crazy how being an aspie I ruin my chances with a girl that I have a huge crush so fast if I’m overly honest like I’m comfortable with and I tend to say things almost no one is ok with.

The anguish of pain for me with the amount of loneliness I deal with is unbearable. My experience getting excited in conversations leads to my hugest mistake of my entire life!

With my luck I guess I’ll be alone forever. This disturbs me so much like recently I thought I connected with the love of my life until I mention a couple overly inappropriate things.

At least I have a reason to blog even though I feel like absolute shit! I my as well have been stabbed in the stomach!

Featured

If I had a way & others were interested

I’d love to talk to people about how I tend to enjoy movies most don’t some even get a lot of hate, I appreciate more things that the crew worked so hard on among other things. Movies like 31, Green Inferno, Beach Bum, Hellboy remake, Slender Man, Big Bully, The Wicker Man, Captain Marvel, US, Emoji Movie, Carpool, so many others even many TV shows I quite enjoy that many people disgusted by or aren’t interested; I have bizarre taste.

Another subject I’d love to talk to people about is how certain people I’ve interacted with are very rude about advice I give like if people have chronic illnesses or otherwise I just wanna help decrease they’re symptoms in most cases things blow out of proportion I’ll never understand it.

Been awhile since I’ve ever this dimension of WordPress

I don’t know why I lack wanting to blog as much as I used to although I still write reviews on IMDb. Anyway not much new except I got a kitten recently that is wonderful to experience!

Something important I’d like to make known is most aspie events I go to see hectic and sensory overload I wish they’re could be more chill coordinated meet ups for #autistic folks. I recently went to a pajama walk which was lovely but overly load with a generator that’s dumb for people involved in the event and some of the worst pop music ever!

It might not happen in my life time or at least for a long time but I recommend Beethoven or liquid mind music even 90’s music wasn’t trashy like it is these days.

How bout a piano event or something zen I wish I could tell event planners they are bad at they’re job and should study autism more; every event I’ve gone to even before Covid was overstimulated. I doubt it’ll happen but I’d love to make an impact even if I’m old when it happens nowadays I’m a bum that enjoys gaming, film and writing with some of my craft.

A peaceful less negative blog!!

Feel lost/disappointed

I really miss having amazing friends on PlayStation or at least people I barely had issues like Shawn to bad that isn’t much an option anymore. It crushes my soul that I have such a hard time staying friends with someone I chat with often!

I’ve had so much going on outside of PlayStation that it’s poison to my soul that I barely can enjoy my gaming as much as I should mainly because of someone named Kevin and John. Not sure why I don’t blog more I’ve had other racing thoughts/theories about society but that has dwindled less because of my entertainment being ruined!

When is it gonna be that autistic people get more opportunities just for being different and given more chances maybe sympathetic reasons? Maybe it’s lazy but I do believe more people in America have money and rich folks let the medium suffer!

Part of why I love horror so much is cause I feel trapped so much in life and that is uncertain if it’ll ever change. I don’t know who ever is interested in my occasional blogs but I’m glad I have it as an option despite the energy flow of it.

I guess I don’t have to many that understand me and apparently everything I say is invalid in an argument

According to someone I had some arguing with that I’m always the problem and they don’t accept anything they do or any of my points were all invalid just because I didn’t want to join a chat immediately after it was made. Dude needs to be more patient and grow out of some stuff even he wants me to that’s not fair for an aspie!

I don’t want to change myself for others I shouldn’t have to; life would be extraordinary if anyone understand this. When did it start people aren’t allowed to have a good excuse to a situation I’ll never comprehend the whole crutch thing that’s how it works!

I’m endlessly sorry I don’t blog more

My scattered emotions have off the walls between loneliness and lack of activity in my life it’s weird when I sleep phenomenally but my day still spirals! What’s an aspie gotta do to get more help in life that’s been conflicted awhile.

If this was a chapter in a book it’d be called Floating asteroid because in outer space loneliness is the the most extreme it could be. I wouldn’t mind not much going on if my PlayStation friends were slightly better although that’s separate stuff it would help tremendously!

Life would be exceedingly better if it wasn’t for Covid ruin my chances of furthering life I have so many disturbing thoughts about it that I won’t get into to for legal reasons in short I’ll say luckily it’s not worse I guess.

All the stories and wisdom packed in really would could mean a lot one day in the future I probably just need to consider the grass is greener on the other side.

Baffled

I wish people understood I don’t have much help in life except my mom and very few others so when people ask for money it’s infuriating cause I’m in the same boat and some ask when to often. I don’t know what to do about it!

Maybe some enjoy my kindness to much when I relate but I get taken advantage of more than most humans on earth and it hurts my soul. How hard is it to understand I have Aspergers and I can’t offer much!?

On another my birthday is August 4th I’ll be 29 that’s pretty exciting for me especially since July has been a tough month! I hope everyone that sees this is doing better I’m disoriented cause my sleep has been clunky.

Lastly I’ve loved going to the movie theater whenever possible I so wish more could be normal for society at some point. I would like to blog more maybe get better stuff happening next week any support is appreciated!

Been awhile since I’ve entered this dimension

Sometimes I’m quite sure I’m cursed cause more bad happens to me than good. Maybe I’ve done several things that cause bad luck when I was younger or maybe it’s an autism thing to just screw up!

I don’t have enough humble people that help me and my family especially when we desperately need it which reminds me of the most complex puzzles/quantum physics that kinda helps me cope when I think about it. My writing is comforting as well even if it’s peculiar I love the way it is!

Another note is I used to blog more I absolutely hate the word excuse but I’m sure any reason I come up with is one although maybe I shouldn’t say that cause I get really into other stuff I enjoy too. Regardless I love anyone that supports me especially since I’m difficult more so than most people on earth.

Hmm what else can flow out of my stem cells? I can try a little bit more to be more positive even if it’s brutally hard. Some aspies tend to overthink I’m an expert at that one that’s about all I got for now.

Wish I had different people to voice chat with on PlayStation!

In the past week I’ve had a bunch of mean people in PlayStation chats that are extremely homophobic, say the worst possible things about my disability, games I did bad that I dominated at even though they didn’t do them at all, and obnoxious stuff about a bathroom experience I had.

Voice chats are supposed to be comforting while you game but instead it’s been over the top although a couple days ago I got involved in roasting that was hilarious fun for a few hours until more people joined and bashed me for an hour and half eventually I left but it had me yelling in so much angry that was unfortunate.

Besides that stuff some people give me a hard time about being bisexual I’ll admit I’m comfortable with except when people say something about an experience a few years ago especially during pride month for gods sake!

On some positives I’ve mostly enjoyed myself with a game called Returnal and finally being able to go the movies which is a blast; yesterday I even bought myself some groceries that felt manly.

Proud of myself today

Yay me today despite having 3 hours 45 minutes sleep with stomach pain I made sausages for the first time and I just made gluten-free Ramen noodles a bit ago! #ASD #autismawareness

Hope everyone is well I’ve had some off days yet still manage to embrace my difficulties. Lately I got really into rewatching The Leftovers and trying to enjoy Returnal despite it being harder than most games I’ve ever played!

Frustration about Covid

Can’t this Covid go away I’m so fed up! I had an amazing time at the movies finally last week and today there’s an article of cases rising; I wish this shit would fuck off so people can enjoy life again!

I was enlightened recently now I’m unsure if Covid would ever end cause more cases rise. Aspies crave socializing even though they struggle with it not being able to for me is bizarre I miss people so much.

A definite positive was getting stimulus money and getting so much goodies so at least I have plenty of entertainment that can last me months or longer. I’m not sure if there will be any other stimulus but it was one of the best things ever; I wish I had sources of money making Covid kinda ruined that too.

I’m sorry about my frustration I even have darker thoughts about a lot of things that I don’t know how to express to anyone. Blogging is amazing in an appropriate way for sure.

I’m really sorry I haven’t blogged in awhile!

So much in life has gotten better in the last month or so with healthy vibes, movie theaters finally opened, I’ve gotten a bunch of goodies, and sleeping better than I was.

Exceptional flows of great things need to continue it’s been one of the best years ever! Only thing I don’t have yet is a way to make money for now I’ve been enlightened by what I do have.

I’m not sure why I’ve drifted in a metaphorical boating adventure away from blogging although for anyone interested I’m still doing reviews on #IMDB occasionally I link them and my username is UniqueParticle.

What else is sparking in this bizarre world/mind of Alex is that on PlayStation chats I have people that understand me and others that know me longer yet still don’t understand a lot of my ways that’s always an unsettling feeling. Regardless of anything I’ll try to be on here more especially since my mind flows better when there’s more to do.